Jimmies weren't meant to be rustled, but sometimes someones gunna rustle you. It's a fact of life but instead of getting aggravated and charged with internet manslaughter by the internet police, we suggest taking our 10 step method of unrustlement:
Step 1: > take several deep breaths
Step 2: > raise both arms above your head
Step 3: > shout at the top of your lungs
Windows will shatter, your neighbors wake up to the sounds of head explosions
Step 4: > stand on your desk chair
Step 5: > jump up and down, intensifying with each jump from your trunk-like thighs
The world tilts 1 degree in the wrong direction, seasons change, bears leave their hibernation
Step 6: > roll your eyes to the back of your head, speak in your true native tongue
The bears are angered and they hear your howling. They are commanded to find vengeance.
Step: 7: > still jumping, spin your chair in ever-quickening rotations
Winds shift, Tsunamis destroy every coastline, all nuclear reactors meltdown
Step 8: > tear your flesh off and whiplash it into a hardened whip. speak to Lucifer himself
He hears your calls and respects the cut of your jib. There is a throne - surrounded by beer volcanos and stripper factories - waiting for your arrival
Step 9: > your muscles bulge, blowing through the walls around you, the fragments sent to outerspace
This isn't even your final form.
Step 10: > Grab a snickers, you're always on edge when you're hungry
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